My Toby

My second son, Toby is a great kid. He was born into this world three weeks late. I had problems with this pregnancy from the get go. It took 5 months to conceive Bryce- so we waited a about a year and a half and thought I would get pregnant right away- not going to happen.

14 IUI's later, the Dr.'s thought I had a blocked tube, so I had surgery- it wasn't blocked. Eventually I got pregnant- but my Progesterone was dangerously low- so I took Progesterone every 4 hours until I was 16 weeks, waking up in the middle of the night to take a pill, so scared to get excited about the baby growing inside me. Finally Toby showed his face and I was on cloud nine.

What the Dr.s did not tell me was that he was born with a two vessel umbilical cord and a heart condition. They acted like he was the perfectly healthy child I thought he was. Then at 2 in the morning a strange Dr. woke me out of a dead sleep to nonchalantly tell me the facts on my new, perfect little baby. They said he would need to go to Children's to see a Cardiologist- and my world crumbled. I have never thought about the reality of not having a healthy baby- the thought just never crossed my mind. I was on unfamiliar ground.

Toby came home from the hospital on Christmas Eve, 1997. Two days later he was being life flighted to Children's hospital during a horrible snow storm. It was the scariest night of my life. I was so in love with this baby, but so terrified that I was going to lose him. Too afraid to say the words out loud.

I have come a long way with my Toby since that December of 1997.- we have learned together about EKG's and Holter monitor's, event monitor's, Digoxin, and what it feels like to knock on death's door. My bond with Toby is different because of what he has had to go through, and what we have been through together. He is such a brave boy and I appreciate his witty sense of humor and his gentle soul.

Toby just learns to roll with the punches, he went to his Cardiologist yesterday and he lets them hook him up to wires and tests, never complaining once. I am so thankful that his appointment went well and I pray for children not as fortunate as My Toby.